While unpacking my past, I reflected on my beliefs regarding marriage. I concluded I’d esteemed marriage highly. Seeking this status consumed most of my thoughts throughout my 30’s and 40’s. I paused & asked myself, “Why do I idolized my marital status?” This heart-search was gut-wrenching; I was shocked and embarrassed of the conclusions.

Since a child, marriage was indoctrinated into my thought patterns and largely influenced by religious guidelines. Years of routine repetition created a focused pursuit of this priceless achievement. When relationships fizzled, I felt defeated in my pursuit. The experiences and labels in the church arena fueled my belief that singlehood was an inferior status.

When labeled as “UNMARRIED,” I cringed. The “UN” prefix implies singles are NOT or lacking. The negative connotation unconsciously reinforces rejection of a married status. It discredits the fact everyone was born single (except Eve, of course) and glorifies the alternative. In many cases, this label creates a separation of classes, with the single status seeming inferior. Unfortunately, I lived my own Cinderella experiences supporting this inaccurate label.

On one occurrence, the ‘unmarried’ church members were granted access to attend a couples’ Valentine’s Day event. The ‘unmarried’ dressed in servant’s attire, while the nobles – oops… married dressed in fine linens & diamonds. The ‘unmarried step-members’ served, entertained and cleaned, while the elites enjoyed an lovely evening of dining and entertainment. This experience was degrading and unknowingly fortified my feelings as an outcast, unmarried member.

Another time, the couples planned a theater night to see Tyler Perry’s movie, ‘Temptation’. They received discounted group pricing and I requested a ticket to take advantage of the great price. The gasp of my request echoed in the vestibule and I was immediately chastened. PLEASE NOTE: I was 40 years old! Later, I received a call from a “concerned” church leader detailing how my flesh would be tempted to sin and they didn’t want the liability of my great fall into sexual promiscuity. Flabbergasted, this sinful peasant was rejected again – although I was 40 and fully capable of doing… Nevermind! Nevertheless, this encounter and countless others impacted my obsession to belong to the affiliation of marriage. And ultimately I idolized the status in my heart.

When I realized I’d exalted my marital status as an idol, I was embarrassed. I sobbed to God, because I’d replaced Him for a label. My pain compelled me to share my revelation and truth. And, honestly I struggled sharing this because I feared the judgment, and criticism; but, releasing my truth healed something in me I didn’t know existed. I take ownership of my role in believing I was subpar or second-class because of my single status. And although I still desire marriage, my motives have changed.

I share my truths in hopes of helping someone who may be influenced by the same misinformation. Living single isn’t an inferior class and marriage isn’t a validation of worth. Singles bring value to the church arena and to the table. I’m free and living my single life like it’s GOLDEN & you can too! Let’s Soar Together!