Uncategorized

chosentreasures

Dating Chronicles: Who Urinated In the Dating Pool?”

DISCLAIMER: I’ve met some amazing men who are genuine and caring, and I remain hopeful as I navigate this thing called “A Dating Life.”

Since I wasn’t being approached by men in the usual public settings, I decided to give online dating ANOTHER try. I’m kinda old fashioned, and “shooting my shot” wasn’t an option…. so online dating it is. After “matching” in the dating app pool, here are my Top 12 Dating Pool Pee Suspects. These are TRUE dating app exchanges…

#12: “Hello Beautiful. Hru? BTW, what do you enjoy cooking the most? I love to eat and I’m greedy.”

#11: “Do you like dogs or cats?” Response “Dogs, I’m allergic to cats” #9: “I have a cat. And I have plenty of Zytec and Benedryl”

#10: “You work for Enterprise! Cool, can you rent me a car?”

#9: “HIS REQUIREMENT: MUST have pretty feet!!!!” 👣Response: “Ummm, what do your feet look like? Bruh, this ain’t ‘Boomerang,’ and you certainly are NOT Marcusss darling.”

#8: “Oh, you work for Enterprise- U getting that BIG money!!! $$$$

# 7: Who lives with you?  (Ummmm….NOPE, NADA AND HELL NAW) 🚫🚫🚫

#6: “You don’t have enough full body pics. I need to see if you have a big booty. I like big butts, and I cannot lie!” (Okkkk, I added that last sentence.) 🤣🤣

#5: ME “What are you looking for in a relationship?” #5: “I like Tomboys” ME: “Oh ok, that’s not me at all” 2 hours later #5: WYD🚫🚫

#4: ME: “Tell me a bit about yourself” #4: Sends 30 pictures of himself in various poses, including shirtless🙄🙄

#3: ME “What do you like to do on weekends?” (tryin’ to see if he attends church) #3: “Riding mostly” ME: “Oh interesting. I’ve ridden a mechanic bull and a camel but not a horse. Wait, were you referring to riding a horse or a motorcycle? 🐫🐴🏍3: “A car” 🚘 (OK, OK – Y’all this one is on me….🤦🏾‍♀️my bad Dawg- I didn’t know you could ride a car) 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️He never reached out again

#2: (FIRST DATE) “Would you rather date a man that owns his home, but doesn’t have a car OR lives with his Momma, but owns his car?’ (This led to an interesting topic of conversation & he made it to date 3) We were doing great, UNTIL…he couldn’t afford a $21 Lyft to get back home & blamed me for the far location. 😡😡Needless to say, I dropped him off at the Metrolink 🚊ANDDDD dropped him✌️✌️

AND MY NUMBER 1 DATING POOL URINATING SUSPECT IS:

After 10 days of texting & talking- I was feeling hopeful. One night at 10:45pm he texted “WYD.” Well, I was asleep & responded the next morning. 5 minutes later he called. However it was NOT him- it was HIS WIFE!, 👰🏾yelling, “WHO IS DIS?!?” Ultimately, it turned into a 15 minute “counseling session” where she cried, screamed, and told me ALLL about her marriage. (This dude had a whole wife, a baby, and a different name) While in the “counseling session” 📱my cousin was in the background 🗣🗣🗣”YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR OWN FRIENDS! GET SOME FRIENDS!” She had a point – I was NOT the person the wife needed to talk to about her marriage- but WWJD (Matthew 5:38-48 & Luke 6:27-28) If I can help someone I will do my best, because everyone needs someone to talk to- even while pissing in the dating pool.

I’m convinced that somebody peed in the dating pool and it DEFINITELY needs to be disinfected! 12 Cats and a rocking chair ain’t starting to look so bad (I’ll just load up on Zytec). Keep Soaring because I WILL.

2022 Relationship Goal

chosentreasures

Dating Chronicles: Magic “Mac”

My laptop wasn’t working properly and a close friend recommended a guy to fix it. Before he arrived, I’d teased my 96 year old Granny and her 70 year old friend that I’d ordered a stripper and he was in route. The Queen and her friend dismissed me with a wave and a laugh… but I had a plan.

When “Magic Mac” arrived, I opened the door and asked if he was stripper I’d ordered. 🧑🏽‍✈️👨🏽‍✈️🕺🏾He immediately went into character 🎬 and started gyrating, twerking and grinding on the floor. 🕺🏾🕺🏾🕺🏾With raised eyebrows and “eyes wide shut”, 👀my Granny and her friend sat paralyzed as they watched “Magic Mac” dance and grind all over the living room floor. I was shocked at how good the performance was, but I couldn’t contain my laughter and fell on the floor in tears. Those 2 ladies got a shock and thrill of a lifetime – it was PRICELESS!!

After we gained our composure, I escorted him to my office to work on my laptop. We talked and laughed about his performance, and kept the convo going as he worked on my computer. While waiting for an update, we discussed the family pics in my office. He selected a picture of me, gave a very nice compliment, and licked it!!! (I don’t know WHYYY I have all of these licking/tongues encounters) 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ It was my turn to sit shocked ad paralyzed as “Magic Mac” enjoyed licking my portrait. I guess I deserved that – especially after what I’d done to Granny. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Don’t ask me how we moved forward from that – I have NO idea. 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ As he worked on my laptop, he asked to play a random video to see if it worked. As the video played, it showcased church members expressing appreciation. “Magic Mac” froze in place as his niece came onto the screen talking- this dark skinned Brother turned beet red‼️Turns out- his niece and I attended the same church! ⛪️ (Karma, Karma, Karma) It was his turn to be stunned to silence as he realized the error of his actions. 😱😳Embarrassed, he quickly decided to take my laptop and repair it at the shop. “Magic Mac” made a quick exit, and barely said goodbye. After texting several apologies, we talked and enjoyed several conversations. “Magic Mac” fixed my computer and charged FULL PRICE! (Fair enough- 🤷🏽‍♀️we didn’t “make it rain” 🤑during his performance)

“Magic Mac” and I hit it off and conversed the next few weeks. One evening, he FaceTime me, and we discussed his day while he relaxed in his short dashiki. Caught up in the convo, he sat on the couch and placed the phone on the coffee table. A few minutes passed, and he questioned the look on my face. I informed him of my direct frontal view. He looked down and the look of horror on his face was indescribable – I thought this man was going to die of embarrassment- he flipped the phone so fast, I thought he broke it. He mumbled several apologies and ended the call. I never heard back from “Magic Mac” again, I guess he felt he just couldn’t recover after his indecent exposure.

Weeks of time, energy and getting to know someone is exhausting; this dating life ain’t for the faint of heart. Don’t give up because I’m not- Keep Soaring.

chosentreasures

Dating Chronicles: ” Banana Lickin’ Good”

After a few years break, I’m back on the dating scene and let me tell you: it’s been a roller coaster ride. I thought it would be interesting to share a few of my most memorable experiences. And YES, these are TRUE and REAL experiences; to protect the anonymity of the individuals, limited details are provided.

For our 3rd date, we agreed to Sunday dinner at his place. He made the main dishes, and I made banana pudding. Food was great, and we watched a movie while eating dessert. 30 minutes into the movie, I heard a bear-like growling sound coming from my left. My date had fallen asleep. Heyyy, no judgment- we all get the “itis” after a good ole Sunday service and dinner.

After the movie, I prepared to leave. He asked for the remaining dessert, and put it in his personal container. As I reached for my Pyrex container, he did the UNTHINKABLE!!!

He lifted my container to his lips, and licked the residue of the banana pudding. I stood at his kitchen counter, stunned to silence. Unable to tear my eyes from the train-wreck, I watched his tongue licked the glass container over and over -until nothing remained. Honestly, I had mixed emotions… Should I feel disgusted or flattered my dessert was tasty enough to lick the entire bowl? Needless to say- I left “lickety” split! And YES, I took my Pyrex! Also I never saw Banana Lickin’ Good again.

Dating over 40 and in 2021 is nothing like it was 20 years ago; it is not for the weak or faint of heart. But Life is Short and sometimes you just have to lick the bowl

Stay tuned for more memorable experiences as I navigate the dating scene.

chosentreasures

Are You OK?

Not too long ago Megan Markel made the simple question, ‘Are You OK?” monumental. She stressed that when most people observe strong, famous, or financial stable individuals, they never consider asking if they are ok. They assume everything is perfectly fine in their high profile world of strength and stability. But everyone needs someone to sincerely ask, “Are you ok?”

Checking on your strong, creative, and well-known friends is essential. The outer aspects of their life doesn’t necessary parallel to their private life. Sometimes those strong friends aren’t ok, and require a safe place to uncover their weaknesses. Jamal Bryant said, “A liability of being strong is that others can’t handle when you’re weak.” Anyone in a high profile leading position has a private world of chaos and pain. Think about a few people you admire and observe doing great things. Have you sincerely asked if they are OK? Ask yourself if you can handle the harsh reality of their seemingly successful lives. The spotlight is not always grand and glitz- a hefty price comes with success.

As a caregiver to my 96 year old grandmother, I am rarely asked if I’m ok. Instead I’m asked, “How’s your grandmother?” At a recent event, a friend asked, “Was it too much for your Grandmother to make it to the event?” In actuality, it was too much for ME to bring my Grandmother. It never occurred to them to ask if I was OK; it was assumed my Grandmother was the weaker, worn and stressed one, while I was fine. I wanted to respond, “All she has to do is sit and smile, while I do all the work.” Their lack of understanding prompted them to only ask about the wellbeing of the seemingly weaker person, rather than the tired, stressed strong one.

There are Super Heroes among us, and they need to know they can share their weaknesses safely. Become their softness to a hard day or their serenity to a frustrating situation. Not only will it provided insight for you, but a safe place for Superman to become Clark Kent.

Keep Soaring, Keep Believing & most of all -keep asking, “Are you ok?”

chosentreasures

2021 Affirmations

Yearly I write new self affirmations. It’s important for me to speak positive affirmations to myself, throughout the year. They set the tone and my mindset of who I am and what I will accomplish. Affirmations feed my mind positivity and focuses on what’s important. Below are my 2021 Affirmations. Feel free to use them and speak life into your year.

I am grateful for my journey and its lessons

This year I choose to leave my comfort zone, experience life, and pursue my ambitions

I am, have been, and will always be enough

I love myself, trust my decisions, and verbalize my needs

I am honorable, confident, and beautiful

I am in control of my feelings, reactions, and responses

I choose to let go of negative beliefs that blocked my success and prosperity

I am surrounded by supportive people who can help me succeed.

God is on my side; therefore I have everything it takes to overcome hard times and obstacles

I believe this is my year to accomplish my long-held dreams and desires

I surrender my heart and desires to God for His will and wisdom

I embrace change & problems, asking God what purpose they serve, instead of why

I happily help others, but not at the expense of my character and self-worth

I am healthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically

 My life is balanced, my debts are paid, and I live in abundance  

My family loves God, walks in wholeness, health and prosperity. Peace, love and unity abide with us. 

And it is so, in Jesus’ Name. Amen

Speak daily and Soar to the highest!

chosentreasures

2021: I’m Coming Out!

Reflecting over the tumultuous year of 2020, I contemplated my accomplishments and nonsuccesses in establishing goals for 2021. There were lessons gained and life-altering tragedies experienced. 2020 was a beast; I am grateful for surviving it and the various opportunities it afforded me. Opportunities for growth, development and change. Change isn’t easy or pleasant; however, it is necessary. In the global silence, I was provided stillness to analyze my present, past and future, and the significant role each plays in my evolvement and setbacks.

My past was filled with incredible moments and traumatic events. In analyzation of it, I realized how certain past events affected my perspectives and decisions. With the death of my Mom and the oldest of 3, I accepted a heavy load at a young age. I sacrificed a lot to give my siblings the best. I conditioned myself to embrace leftovers with positivity. It extended to other areas of my life, and from the sidelines I cheered as others aimed for their best. Instead of aiming for my best, I believed others were selfish for choosing the best for themselves. It just didn’t feel right selecting the best for myself, and the guilt caused me to second-guess every inkling to choose better. Leftovers and second-best became a habit and mindset into my adulthood. It filtered my perspectives, decisions and choices. Then 2020 happened and disrupted my dysfunctional thought patterns…

My present state was filled with lackluster self-choices. I purchased a new car, and settled for the basic model. I bought my clothing on the clearance rack, and found glee in hand-me-downs. I secured used furniture from family, friends, and the Goodwill to fill my home. I know, it sounds like good budgeting, but there was an underlying undeserving mentality influencing my choices. And when my broken-down bedroom furniture couldn’t withstand another move, I was forced to buy a new bedroom set. It was the first time in 30 years I owned a new and complete bedroom set. In contrast, I wanted the best for my family and others, even though secretly I envied their boldness to go for the best. Something had to give; something better existed! Then 2020 happened and disrupted my self-sabotaging choices. I decided to choose the best for myself and declared, “I’m Coming Out!”

A bright future requires changes to my perspectives, decisions and choices. My 2021 goals are hefty, and I declared a 2021 theme: “I’m Coming Out!” Not out the closest! LOL!! I’m coming out of settling for less-than! I decided to step out my comfort zone and make some bold choices. I am pursing goals that I’ve only dreamed of for others. 2020 afforded me the chance to battle and conquer some dark demons of my past. I worked on my self-love, finances, and health. I exited the cave of self-mediocrity and set high goals for 2021. 2020 crushed and matured me. With every battle won, I evolved and positioned myself to accomplish every goal set for the new year. Am I nervous to go after the Gold? Hell Yes! But, I’m coming out of fear and walking into courage. I’m coming out the weight of depression, and I’m running into life and freedom. I’m coming out of settling for second-best , and pursuing the gold for myself.

I’ll conclude with what Diana Ross sang best:

“There’s a new me coming out, And I just have to live, And I want to give, I’m completely positive
I think this time around, I am gonna do it, Like you never do it, Like you never knew it
Oh, I’ll make it through The time has come for me, To break out of the shell, I have to shout, That I’m coming out

I’ve got to show the world, All that I want to be, And all my abilities, There’s so much more to me
Somehow, I have to make them Just understand, I got it well in hand, And, oh, how I’ve planned
I’m spreadin’ love, There’s no need to fear, And I just feel so glad, Every time I hear I’m coming out, I want the world to know, Got to let it show. I’m coming out!!”

I am coming out to Soar!! Watch out & don’t choke on my smoke!!

chosentreasures

2020 Year-End Reflections

This year has been a roller coaster ride: filled with terror, shock, and adventure. Many of us started this year with hope and glimmer of the good things to come. By March, we were white-knuckling the handlebars of life; similar to an incline on a roller coaster, we had no idea what was ahead of us. As the weeks of the Pandemic Shut Down inched along, our lives halted and hung in the balance of life’s roller coaster incline. Fear and panic filled our hearts, as the entire World shut down. Suspended mid-air with no escape, our only option was to turn to God in the silence.

This mid-year pause gave opportunity for growth, insight, and reflection. Personally, I evaluated the people and things that matter most. In the end, it wasn’t cars, clothes, or collections – it was FAMILY and HEALTH. Every person was stripped of entitlements, and were left dangling with only the essentials of life. Hopefully, this life pause provided time for considering what matter most. Here’s a brief reminders:

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4
  • Health is the greatest wealth
  • Material things aren’t the identity & totality of our true selves
  • Finances matters- handled with integrity and honorably
  • Don’t wait until you’ve lost someone to recognize the value they added
  • Bidets and Toilet tissue are vital to mental stability   
  • Personal spirituality is an essential
  • Ramen noodles taste like steak, when you’re hungry
  • Healthy relationships are vital
  • Settling for less in life is not an option
  • Singing the Happy Birthday song, while washing your hands seems longer than 20 seconds
  • Dimming your shine so that others don’t feel intimidated, is self-dislike 
  • Cling to those you love, but if they haven’t showered for days, hold your breath
  • Safety provides peace, wear masks
  • Life is short, don’t forget to live
  • Forgive yourself, it’s the only YOU that you have

Although 2020 was filled with loss and pain, I recognized that I am still blessed to ride life’s roller coaster with those that I love. Cherish this year as a time of reflection and appreciation. Keep Soaring, and with help of God we will make it.

chosentreasures

Living Single Part III

My healing journey has been a painful, ugly, and difficult process.  One day, scrolling the internet, I clicked on a video illustrating the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly.  The process was quite repulsive, and at times it was difficult to watch, but I was intrigued. As my stomach churned, I couldn’t imagine how a beautiful and magnificent creature could emerge from such a disgusting place. Later, it dawned on me that the caterpillar’s metamorphosis and my healing journey were very similar.

Both transformations required us to no longer feed solely from one source for supplements and sustainability. We needed to become independent and break familiar, unhealthy bonds and habits. As our transitions progressed, we made a hard decision to detach and hang out on a limb, in hopes that a change would come. It was only then, that our old skin begin to shed and other unnecessary parts shrivel. Feelings of anticipation for a new life was invigorating; unknowingly, we hadn’t entered our most difficult stage of transformation.  And just when we are comfortable, the next shift began.  

Both the caterpillar and I regurgitated everything digested from our previous resource. The gyrating action left us confused and unsure.  To soothe our bewildered souls, we returned to the familiar and made a cocoon from the regurgitated substances. Feeling at ease in the familiar, we rested; but progress was still taking place. New discoveries of thoughts, wings and ideas birthed. And what once secured and comforted us, was no longer beneficial for our future selves. As we discarded the old, our wings grew and expanded. Who knew that this painful adaptation could resurrect a beautiful creature, full of life and liberty. Releasing our place of comfort opened the opportunity for growth and flight.    

As I viewed that metamorphosis video, I learned, “true self-discovery begins where your comfort zone ends.” Facing my past and speaking my fears has been challenging, yet liberating. My past and present were in constant conflict, and the only relief was to face the demons that kept me gagged and bound. Keeping my traumas bottled up inhibited my  healing, and I couldn’t move forward. It was beneficial for me to release the things that no longer added value, in order to embrace my new.  

Transformation is rarely pleasant; however, once the process begins, you’ll discover the beauty that was always inside. I pray my transparency of healing and rebirth helps others in their journey. Writer Marianne Williams states it best: “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” May my light and liberty guide others to liberation.

Footnote: I don’t despise my past, it has made me who I am today. I am grateful for every experience, because it was an opportunity for growth. Every experience was either a blessing or a lesson learned. I win either way! Keep Soaring!

chosentreasures

Living Single Part II

This healing process required me to confront of some murky ordeals I experienced as a single in the church. Unpacking is messy and painful, but it’s worth the freedom it brings. I could no longer allow my past to dictate my future; therefore, I faced some painful truths and owned my part.

Raised in church, I was conditioned to believe God and ministry were synonymous. As a single, I repeatedly heard scriptures denouncing sexual immortality and devoting all my time to the ministry. With the emphasis placed on these areas, I believe leaders thought ministry would serve as a Chastity Belt against fornication. Singles’ commitment to ministry provided a two-fold benefit: occupy singles’ time to prevent fornication and staff the ministry with workers.

In a sincere desire to please God, ministry became my #1 priority. I volunteered 50+ hours weekly, worked a full time job, and raised my son. Late nights, weekends, vacation days, and occasional holidays were dedicated to ministry. I ran pillar to post, attending every church service, meeting, and event. Sometimes, I worked 12-hour days performing my ministry duty as a single. This frantic schedule continued for years.

Honestly, I believed I was doing God’s will; but in retrospect, I sought leadership’s affirmation and approval. With the lure of ministry advancement, I attempted to prove my loyalty and worth. I lost my voice and lived a puppet’s life on strings. Without question, I followed whatever direction my strings were pulled. My vulnerabilities and insecurities were used as bait to imprison me in a man-made, self-serving ideology. Unfortunately, my loyalty kept me in situations that commons sense should’ve removed me.

Eventually, my hectic schedule took a physical and mental toll; the constant exhaustion and stress caused multiple health issues. A few times, I was too ill to attend church; those sabbaticals provided time for self-reflection. My life was imbalanced and my priorities misplaced. I neglected family, friendships suffered, and personal responsibilities were abandoned. I lost my identity as a woman, mother, and individual.

Cutting the strings was difficult and painful; choosing myself felt like betrayal. I wasn’t sure I could survive without the strings. I thought ministry was the only resource for my future. Conflicted with guilt and agony, I needed a resolve. Walking away wasn’t as easy as it seems; but, after months of counseling, I found the courage and peace.

I learned a valuable lesson, at a great cost. This pandemic revealed what matters most. Yes, I miss the fellowships and in-person church services; however, attending multiple services doesn’t demonstrate my authentic commitment to Christ. My foundation is in God, and honoring Him is tending to the responsibilities He entrusted in my care.

I harbor no ill feelings regarding my ministry experiences. God uses everything for good. Furthermore, my blog isn’t to negate the good things in ministry; it is to offer insight to those who may struggle with balance and authentic motives in ministry. I am appreciative of the knowledge gained in ministry, but I regret the abandonment of myself and family.

Had I not walked through those experiences, I wouldn’t know how courageous I am. I’m taking one step forward, at a time. Learning to trust myself as I commit to new things; and, ensuring I don’t lose sight of what matters. As a single, I can honor God with proper priorities and a balanced life.

God

Family/Self

Occupation

Ministry

When you know better, you SOAR HIGHER!

chosentreasures

Living Single Part I

While unpacking my past, I reflected on my beliefs regarding marriage. I concluded I’d esteemed marriage highly. Seeking this status consumed most of my thoughts throughout my 30’s and 40’s. I paused & asked myself, “Why do I idolized my marital status?” This heart-search was gut-wrenching; I was shocked and embarrassed of the conclusions.

Since a child, marriage was indoctrinated into my thought patterns and largely influenced by religious guidelines. Years of routine repetition created a focused pursuit of this priceless achievement. When relationships fizzled, I felt defeated in my pursuit. The experiences and labels in the church arena fueled my belief that singlehood was an inferior status.

When labeled as “UNMARRIED,” I cringed. The “UN” prefix implies singles are NOT or lacking. The negative connotation unconsciously reinforces rejection of a married status. It discredits the fact everyone was born single (except Eve, of course) and glorifies the alternative. In many cases, this label creates a separation of classes, with the single status seeming inferior. Unfortunately, I lived my own Cinderella experiences supporting this inaccurate label.

On one occurrence, the ‘unmarried’ church members were granted access to attend a couples’ Valentine’s Day event. The ‘unmarried’ dressed in servant’s attire, while the nobles – oops… married dressed in fine linens & diamonds. The ‘unmarried step-members’ served, entertained and cleaned, while the elites enjoyed an lovely evening of dining and entertainment. This experience was degrading and unknowingly fortified my feelings as an outcast, unmarried member.

Another time, the couples planned a theater night to see Tyler Perry’s movie, ‘Temptation’. They received discounted group pricing and I requested a ticket to take advantage of the great price. The gasp of my request echoed in the vestibule and I was immediately chastened. PLEASE NOTE: I was 40 years old! Later, I received a call from a “concerned” church leader detailing how my flesh would be tempted to sin and they didn’t want the liability of my great fall into sexual promiscuity. Flabbergasted, this sinful peasant was rejected again – although I was 40 and fully capable of doing… Nevermind! Nevertheless, this encounter and countless others impacted my obsession to belong to the affiliation of marriage. And ultimately I idolized the status in my heart.

When I realized I’d exalted my marital status as an idol, I was embarrassed. I sobbed to God, because I’d replaced Him for a label. My pain compelled me to share my revelation and truth. And, honestly I struggled sharing this because I feared the judgment, and criticism; but, releasing my truth healed something in me I didn’t know existed. I take ownership of my role in believing I was subpar or second-class because of my single status. And although I still desire marriage, my motives have changed.

I share my truths in hopes of helping someone who may be influenced by the same misinformation. Living single isn’t an inferior class and marriage isn’t a validation of worth. Singles bring value to the church arena and to the table. I’m free and living my single life like it’s GOLDEN & you can too! Let’s Soar Together!