DISCLAIMER: I’ve met some amazing men who are genuine and caring, and I remain hopeful as I navigate this thing called “A Dating Life.”

Since I wasn’t being approached by men in the usual public settings, I decided to give online dating ANOTHER try. I’m kinda old fashioned, and “shooting my shot” wasn’t an option…. so online dating it is. After “matching” in the dating app pool, here are my Top 12 Dating Pool Pee Suspects. These are TRUE dating app exchanges…

#12: “Hello Beautiful. Hru? BTW, what do you enjoy cooking the most? I love to eat and I’m greedy.”

#11: “Do you like dogs or cats?” Response “Dogs, I’m allergic to cats” #9: “I have a cat. And I have plenty of Zytec and Benedryl”

#10: “You work for Enterprise! Cool, can you rent me a car?”

#9: “HIS REQUIREMENT: MUST have pretty feet!!!!” Response: “Ummm, what do your feet look like? Bruh, this ain’t ‘Boomerang,’ and you certainly are NOT Marcusss darling.”

#8: “Oh, you work for Enterprise- U getting that BIG money!!! $$$$

# 7: Who lives with you?  (Ummmm….NOPE, NADA AND HELL NAW)

#6: “You don’t have enough full body pics. I need to see if you have a big booty. I like big butts, and I cannot lie!” (Okkkk, I added that last sentence.)

#5: ME “What are you looking for in a relationship?” #5: “I like Tomboys” ME: “Oh ok, that’s not me at all” 2 hours later #5: WYD

#4: ME: “Tell me a bit about yourself” #4: Sends 30 pictures of himself in various poses, including shirtless

#3: ME “What do you like to do on weekends?” (tryin’ to see if he attends church) #3: “Riding mostly” ME: “Oh interesting. I’ve ridden a mechanic bull and a camel but not a horse. Wait, were you referring to riding a horse or a motorcycle? 3: “A car” (OK, OK – Y’all this one is on me….my bad Dawg- I didn’t know you could ride a car) He never reached out again

#2: (FIRST DATE) “Would you rather date a man that owns his home, but doesn’t have a car OR lives with his Momma, but owns his car?’ (This led to an interesting topic of conversation & he made it to date 3) We were doing great, UNTIL…he couldn’t afford a $21 Lyft to get back home & blamed me for the far location. Needless to say, I dropped him off at the Metrolink ANDDDD dropped him

AND MY NUMBER 1 DATING POOL URINATING SUSPECT IS:

After 10 days of texting & talking- I was feeling hopeful. One night at 10:45pm he texted “WYD.” Well, I was asleep & responded the next morning. 5 minutes later he called. However it was NOT him- it was HIS WIFE!, yelling, “WHO IS DIS?!?” Ultimately, it turned into a 15 minute “counseling session” where she cried, screamed, and told me ALLL about her marriage. (This dude had a whole wife, a baby, and a different name) While in the “counseling session” my cousin was in the background ”YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR OWN FRIENDS! GET SOME FRIENDS!” She had a point – I was NOT the person the wife needed to talk to about her marriage- but WWJD (Matthew 5:38-48 & Luke 6:27-28) If I can help someone I will do my best, because everyone needs someone to talk to- even while pissing in the dating pool.

I’m convinced that somebody peed in the dating pool and it DEFINITELY needs to be disinfected! 12 Cats and a rocking chair ain’t starting to look so bad (I’ll just load up on Zytec). Keep Soaring because I WILL.