Reflecting over the tumultuous year of 2020, I contemplated my accomplishments and nonsuccesses in establishing goals for 2021. There were lessons gained and life-altering tragedies experienced. 2020 was a beast; I am grateful for surviving it and the various opportunities it afforded me. Opportunities for growth, development and change. Change isn’t easy or pleasant; however, it is necessary. In the global silence, I was provided stillness to analyze my present, past and future, and the significant role each plays in my evolvement and setbacks.

My past was filled with incredible moments and traumatic events. In analyzation of it, I realized how certain past events affected my perspectives and decisions. With the death of my Mom and the oldest of 3, I accepted a heavy load at a young age. I sacrificed a lot to give my siblings the best. I conditioned myself to embrace leftovers with positivity. It extended to other areas of my life, and from the sidelines I cheered as others aimed for their best. Instead of aiming for my best, I believed others were selfish for choosing the best for themselves. It just didn’t feel right selecting the best for myself, and the guilt caused me to second-guess every inkling to choose better. Leftovers and second-best became a habit and mindset into my adulthood. It filtered my perspectives, decisions and choices. Then 2020 happened and disrupted my dysfunctional thought patterns…

My present state was filled with lackluster self-choices. I purchased a new car, and settled for the basic model. I bought my clothing on the clearance rack, and found glee in hand-me-downs. I secured used furniture from family, friends, and the Goodwill to fill my home. I know, it sounds like good budgeting, but there was an underlying undeserving mentality influencing my choices. And when my broken-down bedroom furniture couldn’t withstand another move, I was forced to buy a new bedroom set. It was the first time in 30 years I owned a new and complete bedroom set. In contrast, I wanted the best for my family and others, even though secretly I envied their boldness to go for the best. Something had to give; something better existed! Then 2020 happened and disrupted my self-sabotaging choices. I decided to choose the best for myself and declared, “I’m Coming Out!”

A bright future requires changes to my perspectives, decisions and choices. My 2021 goals are hefty, and I declared a 2021 theme: “I’m Coming Out!” Not out the closest! LOL!! I’m coming out of settling for less-than! I decided to step out my comfort zone and make some bold choices. I am pursing goals that I’ve only dreamed of for others. 2020 afforded me the chance to battle and conquer some dark demons of my past. I worked on my self-love, finances, and health. I exited the cave of self-mediocrity and set high goals for 2021. 2020 crushed and matured me. With every battle won, I evolved and positioned myself to accomplish every goal set for the new year. Am I nervous to go after the Gold? Hell Yes! But, I’m coming out of fear and walking into courage. I’m coming out the weight of depression, and I’m running into life and freedom. I’m coming out of settling for second-best , and pursuing the gold for myself.

I’ll conclude with what Diana Ross sang best:

“There’s a new me coming out, And I just have to live, And I want to give, I’m completely positive
I think this time around, I am gonna do it, Like you never do it, Like you never knew it
Oh, I’ll make it through The time has come for me, To break out of the shell, I have to shout, That I’m coming out

I’ve got to show the world, All that I want to be, And all my abilities, There’s so much more to me
Somehow, I have to make them Just understand, I got it well in hand, And, oh, how I’ve planned
I’m spreadin’ love, There’s no need to fear, And I just feel so glad, Every time I hear I’m coming out, I want the world to know, Got to let it show. I’m coming out!!”

I am coming out to Soar!! Watch out & don’t choke on my smoke!!