Growing up, I was taught, “What happens in this house, stays in this house.” This house rule was reinforced repeatedly; consequently, I learned to keep secrets at a very young age. I established a solid foundation of hoarding secrets and maintaining strict loyalty to them. Understandably, my family reinforced this rule because it was handed down to them. However, at the age of 6, I didn’t know the difference between which secrets were meant to keep and which to tell. My lack of understanding led to the first secret I should have told…

I started kindergarten late because my birthday is in December. Moma drove me to school in the mornings, and a church friend’s daughter, BC, walked me home. One day I got into a fight with the school bully. As BC and I walked home, I begged her not tell my mom about the fight. I didn’t want to be in trouble. After some time, she finally conceded, but only if I kept her secret too. I readily agreed and she took me to an alley to share her secret.

From the alley, I could see my grandmother’s house, our church and the corner laundromat. Safe places were in my sight, but beyond my reach. She shh’d me as she pulled my pants down and touch my “sweet-pot”. Tears streamed down my face and wet my school clothes as I stood and promised to keep her secret safe. Within an hour, I traded a bully for a molester. The secret alley visits went on for months, all the while I faced my secret keeper every Sunday at church. Stifled and ashamed, I maintained my loyalty to her secret for 25+ years- all because I was taught to keep a secret…

Today, I open my secret bag of the past, not to expose anyone, but rather as a healing process for me and others. Harboring deep-seated secrets is tormenting. They kill, rot emotional growth and terminate transparency. Secrets create rocky foundations for gunny-sacking and repeated cycles of indiscretions. Because of the traumas sustained, I sought affirmation, safety and trust in the wrong places. Scoundrels used opened opportunities to manipulate and ab-use; however, I’ve unpacked the secret bags and freed myself from the bondage of loyalty to them.

I pray my story motivates you to unpack the secrets of the past and soar to heights unknown.